Heartfelt Nightmares
by Twin-Kitten
Summary: Oneshot extra to 'On the Side'. Sam's thought on the occurances of 'Route 66', and a conversation with Sasha about Cassie.


Okay all, this is a sort-of sequel to the story 'On the Side' by me. It is loosely based around the newest episode, 'Route 666'. You _can_ read this without reading 'On the Side', but you probably won't understand it without reading the first one. By the way, the story 'On the Side' doesn't happen at a particular time, or episode, it sort of exists outside the time/space continuum.

It is basically Sam's thoughts about Cassie and how it all effects Sasha, as well as a conversation between Sam and Sasha. No flames please.

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Sam sat on the edge of the bath tub in the skeezy motel he and Dean were staying at. Dean was fast asleep in his bed on the other side of the door. Looking down at his phone, he scrolled through the names and stopped at one, wondering what to do.

Sam had been blind-sided by the fact that Dean had once been, or still was, in love with Cassie… in love with _anyone_ besides Sasha, actually. He was happy for his brother. But now that he had had some time to think(without a black ghost truck threatening people's lives), Sam was wondering if Dean cared about Sasha at all. The petite redhead had become like a sister to Sam, especially when she and Dean seemed to have something together. Sam could talk to Sasha in a way that he couldn't talk to Dean, their father, or Jess.

Cassie was nice, and if she made Dean happy, fine. But Sam thought that he should at least have the courtesy to break it off with Sasha first. Would telling Sasha about Cassie be a betrayal to Dean? Would keeping it a secret be a betrayal to Sasha? Sam stared at the lighted screen of his phone. _Sasha home# 17X-X8X-X42X_.

Casting a look at the wooden door that separated himself and Dean, as if he could see through it to the young man on the other side, and he pushed the green call button. It rang for a moment or two, it was a bit late to be calling, but it picked up and her sleepy voice echoed across the line.

_Hello?_ She sounded groggy, understandable considering she had probably been in bed almost an hour now.

"Hey, Sasha… it's Sam."

_Sam?_ He heard rustling in the background before her voice came back. _It's nearly midnight… What's going on?_

"Oh, well nothing much. Dean and I just finished a job."

_Okay… _She sounded confused, and then her tone changed to a sort of patronizing voice that was coaxing him to tell her what was on his mind. _No offence Sam, but that is not an odd occurrence. What happened that is making you call me?_

"Nothing, really, just… Has Dean called you lately?"

_No. Why?_

"Well, there's this girl. Cassie. She and Dean had a…" Sam debated for a second about how much he should tell her. Should he tell her everything, or just the basics, or… "They had a thing a few years ago. I didn't even know until a few days ago."

He stopped and waited for a response. She sighed heavily before speaking. _Sam, I hate to tell you this but lots of people have exes. I'm not surprised that Dean has some, even with the job you guys do. I have ex-boyfriends… It's not that big of a deal._

"I know I know… It's just that, while we were helping her out, their thing sort-of started up again." There was silence on Sasha's end of the line and Sam decided to keep talking. "Well, one night he didn't come back to the hotel. He was with her and they were… well, you know? And… when we were leaving they kissed and Dean acted like he would be coming back to see her, to pick up where they left off." Sam paused but Sasha didn't say anything. He was expecting some sort of response… screaming, crying, questions, anger… something.

"Sasha… it was serious a few years ago. I got the feeling that they were planning to get married. Like Dean had proposed."

Sasha's voice, when it came across the line again, had an odd emotion in it and Sam couldn't tell what it was. But he could hear the resignation, as if she knew that Dean couldn't stay faithful. The slight sadness.

_What do you want me to say Sam? 'Put Dean on the phone so I can verbally kick his ass'? 'How dare he?'_ Sam pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment and looked at it while Sasha inhaled loudly. Putting it back to his ear, Sam's face was tight with confused emotions. Then she said something he didn't expect.

_Remember when you two were telling me about the woman who was controlling a grim reaper? When Dean almost died? You said something that reminded me of Dean. 'It's like putting a leash on a great white'. That's the way it is with Dean._

_To use the metaphor, I can't put a leash on him to make him stay close to me or with me. There are two things that could happen if I did. One, the leash would break and I would never see Dean again because he would run as far and as fast as he could. Or two, he would turn around and bite me, making both of us hate each other. Either way I lose._

Sam was baffled. "But… Aren't you losing now? I don't understand why you would put up with this and then just accept him back whenever he decides to come. If that happened to me, if Jess was alive now and she openly cheated on me, I would never forgive her. It's wrong… that's not how it is supposed to be."

Sasha laughed with a trace of bitterness, and suddenly Sam was unsure of the conversation.

_That's not how _what_ is supposed to be, Sam? Love?_ Sam could almost see her shaking her head, the way she would when he or Dean did something she didn't quite understand. The movement was similar to one Dean made. _Sometimes I think I should have ignored Dean and paid more attention to you. But then there are times when I know that we would never work out._

_Whatever Dean and I have, it is not what you had with Jess. It's not true love, it's not all consuming and perfect, and it's not fidelity to each other. If we tried, I think we could have what you and Jess had. If we had time and normalcy, and if Dean and I could be together more than we were apart. But we don't have that._

_That's the difference between you and your brother. The way you love. You're like your father in that way. Jon has had his great love, so have you. You might find someone else, just like Jon might, but it will never be the same. You will be with the one you love, or no one at all. Dean will love the one he is with. You will settle down with someone you love, or you won't settle down. You know; get married, live in a house, have kids…_

_When Dean feels the urge to settle down, it will hit him hard and sudden. He will settle down with the woman he is with, and he will love her and be faithful. He will be every thing a good man and a good husband should be… but he is not like your father or you. It isn't the same kind of love. If something happens, he will find someone else easily, and he will get on with his life._

_I may love Dean, but I won't cry if he doesn't love me._

Sam stayed on the phone with Sasha for a few more minutes before he said goodbye. He stayed in the bathroom until almost 3 am. When he went to bed, he couldn't sleep until almost dawn. After he finally fell asleep, Dean woke him less than an hour later.

"Hey, you look like crap man…" Dean was pulling on his clothes watching Sam get out of bed. "More nightmares?"

Sam rubbed a hand over his face and looked at Dean for a moment. Still studying his brother, he spoke. "You could say that." Sam could see what Sasha was talking about; he could see the bits and pieces of his brother that he had never seen before. It was like a problem that you couldn't figure out, but when you finally knew the answer you felt stupid for not knowing it before.

Dean pulled his shirt on and when his head was free of the fabric he asked, "Same one?"

Sam shook his head. "No. Different one."

Dean looked uncomfortable for a moment, but he sat down next to Sam as he spoke, pulling on his socks and shoes. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Sam shook his head again. "No. Besides, I don't think you would understand."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Dude, give me some credit, I'm a pretty smart guy."

Sam stood, heading to the bathroom to shower. He paused in front of the door, remembering his conversation with Sasha in that room. "It's not that kind of understanding…"

Then he closed the door and started the water.

Dean stared at the door for a moment before shaking his head the same way Sasha did. But, Dean wasn't thinking of Sasha.

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The end. I hope you liked it, it wasn't smut but I thought it was pretty good anyway. So enjoy. Please review and you can tell me A) what you thought of this story, and B) what you thought of the episode 'Route 666'.

Personally, I thought that the episode was a little Fanficish. It wasn't bad, but I wasn't expecting a story line on the show that I could just as easily find on this site. I thought it was a little bit lazy on the writer's part. But Wooohowww! To be the girl who played Cassie huh? Lucky, lucky girl…


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